Do not Laugh - Jokes

1- A fool asked the other fool what is your Birth-date ? The other fool said Sunday. The 1st fool said , oh lier you do not know that it is leave on Sunday.

2- A teacher while teaching a class discharged noisy gas from the backside. The student laughed at him. The teacher asked the student why are you laughing , you do not have that system.The student replied that we have that system but ours is the manual where as your is automatic.

3- Some thieves went to a house at night for burglary and stolen all things except the student bag of the child.The child said to thieves that take my bag with you or I will rise my parents.

4- A Lady Minister was invited to inaugurated a Petrol Pump . After inaugurating the pump , the minister asked the owner of pump , how did to come to know that this piece of land has petrol under it.

5- A village Councillor was invited to see a football match.During the final ceremony after match, the Councillor said that I am sorry that all the players have to chase only one ball, do not worry I will purchase a ball for every single player.

6- A friend to other what is your mother tongue , I have no mother tongue replied to 2nd , why the 1st asked , because my mother is dumb said to other.

7- The mother said to her child go and check who is outside the door.The child after going out comes in tells his mother that there is a person with a mustache.Mother said to the child to go out to tell the man that we do not need mustaches.

8- A glass was placed in opposite position , A person asked an fool to take the glass and bring water for me , fool when saw the glass placed opposite he said sorry the glass is closed from the upper side and as well as it is broken from the bottom.

9- A friend asked the other friend as what about your practice of singing , the other friend replied that I have stopped it because of throat. The first said whether it has become out of order.The 2nd said no , the neighbors have threatened me to press my throat if I sing.

10- Teacher to a student , who invented the injection , student answered THE MOSQUITO.

11- A child asks the other friend what gift has been given to you at your birthday.I have been given a very useful musical instrument.Child , how it is useful. Friend , because my mother gives me 10 dollars everyday for not ringing it.

12- A new prisoner asks to the old prisoner , your relatives do not come here to meet you. Old prisoner , I am lucky because all my relatives live here.

13- A villager first time goes abroad.He goes to airport , the plane was near to fly , stairs were set with plane to climb when the villager tries to go upstairs , the officer in-charge tells him, please wait sir . the villager replies , one hundred and forty pounds sir.

14- A person living in a house of 100 dollars fare.He goes to the owner and says that two cars were fighting in the room.The owner said do you expect of bull fighting in a house of 100 dollars.

15- A road passer by asks a child , where dose that road go to.The child replies it does not goes anywhere  it always stay here.

General Knowledge - Do You Know ?

You know sixty eight thousand people died of plague in London in 1665.

You know on two to six September 1666,89 churches, 14 thousands houses and many other buildings were burnt with fire.

You know Karol Mares wrote his famous book " The Capital " in London.

You know on 1st September 1923, One lac and forty three people were killed in earthquake in Yoko Hana ( Japan ).

You know three crore people died of Influenza before the 1st World War was over.

Do you know on 14th September 1852 the Russian had burnt Moscow to expel the Neapolitan army.
Do you know the world first Stock Exchange was established in 1602 in Amsterdam.

Do you know playing cards were used as currency in Canada for many years.

You know the dollar as currency system was started by Thomas Jefferson.

Michael Faraday was the producer of electricity but it was name as electricity by William Gilbert.

Touching sense of the blinds is more than others.

Do you know cows , deers , goats and sheep have four stomachs each and goat have only the lower teeth.

Do you know a Sunday comes before Easter is called Palm Sunday. Lahore is the city which is in Pakistan and also in America.

You know Alaska is the state of America which is known as the land of Midnight Sun. You know Charley Chaplain an American actor had died on Christmas Day in 1977.

Do you know the dog of Isaac Newton which once destroyed all its experiments was Diamond. You know the old name British airways was Imperial Airways.

Do you know the first underground railway line in the world was started in 10th of January 1873 in London.

Do you know Churchill and Roosevelt had singed the Atlantic charter on the ship,Prince of Wales in 1941.

Do you know when seven colors of the rainbow are mixed it results in white color.

Do you know Abraham Lincoln was killed in ford theater he was watching the drama 'My American Cousin'.

Do you know the father of Prophet Musa had died before his birth as like the Prophet Mohammad ( Peace be upon him ).

You know New Holland is the old name of  Australia. Do you know Henry Fielding was the writer of 'Top Secret'.

Do you know Karol Marks presented his communist manifesto in Brussels in 1847.

Do you know Florence Night Angela and Queen Elizabeth first died on marry.

You know during the World War 2 Watson Watt invented Radar.

The First Prophet Adam when came to this the first thing that he ate was grapes.

General Knowledge - Useful Information

Do you know April 23 , 1616 is the birth date of William Shakespeare as well as he died on the same date.

Do you know two English poets , Keats and Shellay are buried in Rome.

Do you know Petrol name is Gasoline in USA.

You know painting was favorite profession of Winston Churchal.

Do you know the first postal ticket in the world was issued in June 6 , 1840.

You should know that the biggest car manufacturing company in the world in General Motors Corporation.

Do you know that Germans Volks Weagon does not require water.

Canada has the largest store of Radium and Uranium in the world.It was Benjamin Franklin who said that all religions are good because these teach a man to be good.

You know that playing cards have four colors for four seasons and fifty cards for fifty weeks in a year.

You should know that in the fourth century one fourth of the European population had died by Black death.

You know that Mark Antony , Honey Ball , Kalopitra and Lord Eliue had committed suicide.

You know that ancient name of England is ALBION.

You know the famous Muslim General Mohammad Bin Qasim conquered Sindh at the age of 17.

You know first Quiz program was issued on 15 May 1935 from Radio Canada.

The world first famous Encyclopedia Britannica was Published in December 1768.

Brazil has the largest store of Iron in the World.

The two Journalists of Washington Post who revealed the Watergate scandal were carl Barnstyne and Robert Woodward.

You know Aluminium is the first metal to be introduced and used by the people in world.

The newspaper review was the first paper of the world which published articles.

You know Hydrogen is the only element which does not have a Neutron in its Nucleus.

Do you know the Earth revolve around the Sun from west to east.

Edison the inventor of Bulb first presented the bulb in 1881 in Paris.

You know the name UNO was proposed by the American President Roosevelt.

Egypt was the first Islamic country which became the Member of UNO.You know the first crop that was cultivated in the world was barley.

Do you know Friday is supposed unlucky day in Christianity.

Banana is the most eaten fruit in the world.

You know Helium is the only element which whatever maybe cooled will not become solid.

You know DNA means DEOXY RIBO NUCLEIC ACID.

Eighteenth century is known as the spring of chemistry.

Worldwide famous formula of Einstein E= mc2 where C stands for speed of light.

You know peacock and peahen but their kid is called peachick.

You know ice cream was first used in China.

Europe is the only sub continent where there is no Desert.

You know axe is the most ancient tool that was made.

General Knowledge - Maybe You Did Not Know

Do you know the first secretary of state of America was Thomas Jefferson  and Coulombs is the the capital of Ohio state.

You know Bonjomen Franklin is known as the first country to recognize America.

Do you know the name of the Holy Prophet Muhammad ( P B U H ) has been placed at serial number 1 in the book ' The Hundred ' written by Michel H Hertz an American author whereas the 2nd Caliph of Islam Hazar Umar Farooq has been placed at serial 52 for Justice and style of rule.

American president , Theodoor Rosert Rosevet who the first president who toured outside the country to Panama.He was the first president whose wife and mother died at the same day.
America was the first country which president its constitution in writing and its droft was written by Benjamin Franklin.

Do you know in the World War 2 , Austria was conquered by the Germans without firing a single bullet.

Senate James palace was the residence of the Kings in England before the Buckingham Palace and George third was the first King to reside in it and this King was the ruler of England when America got freedom.The city Lenongard of Russia is known as a window towards Europe.

You Know that Humming Bird can fly but can not work.

Clark Gable is known as the King of Hollywood.Mark Brando was the only actor who rejected the Oscar Award.

Jabir Bin Hayan was the Muslim Scientist who invented Acids.

In August 2 , 1922 telephones in all over America were closed for one minute because Graham Bell had died.

In October 18, 1931 all lights in America were made off for one minute because Edison had died.
You know Galileo invested Pendulum at the age of 20 years while he was a student at a Spanish University.

You know Karol Marx was actually a Journalist by profession.

Do you know in World War 2 , General Douglas MacArthur when conquered Japan , was the Governor of Japan for about 5 years changed the minds of Japanese and helped to acquire education in America  and to start business of all kinds and that is why Japan made progress by recognizing itself throughout the world in all fields of life.

Do you know the inventor of Barometer Evangelista Torricelli was the student of Galileo.

Do you know first Petrol Car , Daimler Benz was invented in 1930 in detriet.

FAIT is the famous car of Italy and it is for Fabbrica Italiana Automobili Torino.

Do you know Employees Pension system was started first in 1898 in New Zealand.
You know color Television was started in 1953.

You know when German Forces Surrendered in World War 2 , in May 1945 the British Prime Minister was Winston Churchill but when Japan Forces Surrendered in September 1945 , the British Prime Minister was Claimant Ataili.

You know that Cricket Rules were first made in London Club in 1744.

How to be Happy in Life

Happiness is our internal feelings and it is not a matter of external as it is my personal experience as when I was a young student and worried for what to do , where to go, how to make a living and how to build up a future.I was so worried that I lost weight and suffered from inferiority complex and many self wanted disease.In this state of confusion and for what of happiness I went to an army doctor for treatment.The doctor interviewed and checked me by saying that I am not ill but confused for nothing. He advised me to remain busy by reading, writing and exercising your body and think that there is no morrow and happy like is in today. I acted upon what the doctor advised me and in few days I was as happy as I was.I slept like a dog, forget all about the future and enjoying a happy and fruitful life since then until now. To remain happy and successful in life.

Please the following rules,procedures,suggestion and sayings at your life.

Trust in the God , learn to sleep well, listen good music and you will be happy.Do not take even with your enemies,Do not think to take revenge from opponents forgive your enemies hundred times hundred as said Jesus .Be sure that we are what our thoughts makes us as taking the best side of every event is worth than earning thousands of dollars a year.Do not borrow and never interrupt and interfere the other unnecessarily.Accept the mistake as acceptance of what has happened is the first step to improve upon the worst.Avoid disappointment as it is a sin as well as it is a cause of negative thinking.Always speak truth.Keep yourself busy by remaining gainfully occupied criticise not all nor find fault with anyone and not try to correct or regulate anyone.Think and act cheerfully and you will remain happy and cheerful.Be always with smiling face for making many friends and to remain healthy.Be sincere, cooperative and helpful to all the people to remain happy.The Holy Prophet of the Muslims said that he is the richest person of the world who has more sincere friends than the others.
Reduce your desires expect always for the best and be always hopeful and be self confident and sincere to your work and duty.You should know that he who Overcomes and confines his spirit is mightier than he who takes a city. Be sure that you will exercise daily to remain fresh and happy and to enjoy sound sleep and taste of the food. By remaining gainfully occupied you will be able to avoid negative thoughts such as jealousy, lie,inferiority complex , backbiting etc.Avoid to read poor sexual literature to enjoy real sexual life. Worship God , remain patient and love all the human beings and you will be happy and enjoy a successful life. Imagine that there is no one like you in this world.